People talk about being fearless all the time. We see it on social media, marketing ads, tv, you name it. ThereÂ are quotes and images aboutÂ strength and power and success telling you to be fearless everywhere! But what’s the path to get to that state?
The definition of fearless in the dictionary:Â Â fearÂ·less –Â lacking fear.
In my life,Â I ‘ve been uncomfortable, annoyed, frustrated, anxious and fearful. And I can recall just about every experience when I felt those feeling too. You would think I’dÂ want to forget them, block them out and put them as far away in my mind as they could possibly go until they areÂ non-existent…almost. But here’s the thing that our brains trick us with. Those feelings are never non-existent. You can block them completely from your memory but your mind will just store them away into that vault you think you’ve created in your mind or maybe they get re-routed to that vault you don’t even know your mind has created to protect you from some of those fears.
When we experience fear, it tends to stick with us and then we are forced into a fight or flight mode where we must make aÂ decision. Take control and face the fear vs. avoid it, run from it, ignore it or you could even manipulate it into something you want it to be as an excuse to make it ok to keep the fear alive. Our mindsÂ are way more complex than we realize and our sub-conscience storesÂ all this stuff away that we don’t even realize is there and it becomes a part of who we are.Â It can even create fears we don’t even know exist.
There was a time I thought people that did great things, big things, courageous things – had some special gift. That they had more confidence than me, were stronger, smarter and that they were fearless. I thought fearless was this great quality to have and it is to some extent.
But one day something happened in my life, specifically my career, that caused me toÂ have fear, frustration, anxiety and it challenged me so much that it felt like a fire in my soul that I had no choice but to ignite and conquer.Â I wanted to punch it right in the face,Â I wanted to overcome it and tell it to be afraid of ME!Â I so badly wanted to overcome this fear and all the other uncomfortable feelings it brought with it.
I struggled for days and debated what I would do, it was a decisionÂ that would change my career path and although the emotional voice inside me kept saying “walk away, you can’t do this”.Â The fearful-courageous person inside me said,Â “you have no choice BUT to do this, you MUST conquer this and only then, will it go away. Conquer it and your going to feel proud and strong and most importantly you will grow”.Â And I did. I smashed it, I put that fear to bed permanently and it felt amazing. Once I realized how good it felt to grow from fear, all I wanted to do was face ALL of my fears and keep building myÂ self-empire, the best version of myself that I could be. Because that’s what overcoming your fears does. It creates a better version of yourself and it just keeps going and going.
So there are three key things that have become my live-by rules since all that stuff happened. I’m sharing them because they changed my thinking and my thought process in my work life and in my personal life and theyÂ just might help you too.
1 . Courageous cannot exist without trepidation.
If you really want to know what courageous feels like on a level you’ve not experienced. Challenge yourself to face a fear that truly makes you feel uncomfortable. When we are in our most uncomfortable situations is truly where we learn and grow as a person. So if you think you are truly fearless – you’re not really growing. Go find something that makes you feel uncomfortable and blast it!
2 .Â When you feel weak, you are still strong.
You can overcome anything you set your mind to. If that emotional voice in your head is saying “No you can’t” remind yourself that it’s just an emotion and you are in control of your emotions. Don’t let your emotional self talk you into making an excuse to hold on to your fears like a security blanket. Get out there and take control of your emotional self and tell it to shut the hell up because you’ve got some great courageous things you’re about to do so get out of your own way!
3 .Â Have a support system and use it.
It’s totally okay to share your fears with others and ask them to help you overcome them. It’s actually a requirement in my live-by rules. When I go through things that make me question myself, my abilities, my confidence…I share these with the people in my life that want me to succeed as much as I want myself to succeed and that is key! As much as we would all like to believe we are surrounded by love and rainbows, there are people that can really lead you down the wrong mental path and they come in all kinds of disguises. So make sure the people in you’re support system are trustworthy, accountable and they’re your cheerleaders and make sure you are theirs!
If you give back as much as you get from your support system. Well, that’s a reward that requires a whole new blog post. All I can say is be prepared for great things and get ready for them to keep coming.Â
So here’s is my daily checklist:
- Today I will strive to be the best version of me that I can be.
- I will give back to my support system as much or more than I receive.
- I will find something to fear and conquer and I’ll have the courage to do it again tomorrow.